More Overheard in Vancouver

"You know, for a methhead, she's very self-possessed."

ETC: Overheard in Vancouver

SCENE: New Year's Eve day. Outside a busy liquor store, a teenaged male oh-so-casually asks various passersby to help him buy some booze. Upon being turned down by a rough-around-the-edges middle-aged guy, the following exchange erupts:

Teenager (bitterly): Why is it only old people are allowed to buy beer?
Middle-aged guy (more bitterly): Because we're the ones who NEED it.

ETC: Overheard in Vancouver

One of the things I love about this city is that, if homelessness has to exist (and trust me, I'm not endorsing it, but that's a topic for another conversation), so many of our street folks have such moxy. They're often personable and charming, and frequently quite funny. Maybe it's a west coast thing. I don't know.

I once walked past someone's temporary streetside encampment. There was a sleeping bag and blankets, a duffel bag, and various lifestyle accoutrements arranged neatly nearby. There was no person to be seen, but in their stead they'd left a neat business-like sign that read "Back in 5 minutes."

Then there's the guy who, in lieu of a can or cup to collect his earnings, uses a small wishing well lawn ornament, and who encourages you to "Make a wish!" as you pass by.

And last fall we had this classic exchange with a local gentleman, which still cracks my shit up every time I think about it.

This brings me to the following exchange, which I just overheard on my walk home from work:

Cranky Middle-Aged Businessman: Get a job!
Homeless Guy: Okay! Can I have yours?

ETC: Overheard in Vancouver

Soccer Slut #1: I can't believe I came out to celebrate the World Cup final and I forgot to wear a slutty top.
Soccer Slut #2: No problem. Just unzip your hoodie so that your bra is fully exposed for everyone to see, then use body paint to draw an Italian flag on your cleavage.
SS #1: You are a genius.
SS #2: Thank you.

Okay, I didn't actually hear that, but something has to explain the sartorial issues I witnessed yesterday.

And for the record, I'm using the word "slut" in the non-pejorative sense. I love sluts. Sluts rock. Sometimes they make poor fashion choices, is all.

ETC: Overheard in Vancouver

The setting: Two teenaged boys sitting in a bus shelter, looking at a shelter ad for Shakira's new album, Oral Fixation, Vol. 2.

Teen 1: Oral fixation? That's stupid. What the fuck's that?
Teen 2: It means BLOWJOBS, man.
Teen 1: Ohhhh... cool!

ETC: I Fought the Law and the Law Won

Random Homeless Guy: Is that the sheriff?
Rusty: Yup.
Random Homeless Guy: How come he's so fucking small?