Thursday, February 23, 2006

ETC: I Put the "Re" in Front of "Tardy"

I'm aaaaaalmoooost done a new bookish post, which will go up tomorrow morning if Sam EVER takes a nap. Sorry about my spazziness this week. Is there some kind of planetary retrograde going on right now? Is the fact that I asked that question a symptom that I've lived on the west coast too long? Do you despise me a little bit right now? It's okay to say yes.

And I haven't forgotten about the Worst Date Ever challenge! Our judge, The Don -- who in addition to being the sweetest, most accommodating man imagineable, is also a kick-ass video editor -- got overbooked in the favours-for-friends department when he also agreed to help some other friends produce a music video. I've seen him three times in the past week, when he dashes in to change clothes, then dashes out again with a harried look on his face. If you want to lean on him to commence the judging, you go ahead, you monster. I don't have the heart.

And now I have to go remove the dog's tail from young Master Sam's mouth.

...

Okay, that's done.

Hypothetical question for you:

Say you're changing a baby's poopy diaper, and you haven't wiped quite all the poo off said baby's bum. And say you turn your back for a second -- just a second, mind you -- and when you turn back you discover the dog licking the last poo smear off the baby's bum. As hygiene issues go, where would your greater concern lie: with the dog or with the baby?

I said this is a hypothetical question, right?

11 comments:

Wing Chun said...

The dog will probably survive eating humanure -- after all, he eats his own, right? And let's face it, Sam may have derived some precocious enjoyment out of...that event.

But also:

"Is there some kind of planetary retrograde going on right now? Is the fact that I asked that question a symptom that I've lived on the west coast too long? Do you despise me a little bit right now? It's okay to say yes."

Good.

(I kid! Kind of.)

Jagosaurus said...

I think the dog will be fine. From what I have observed, they love - LOVE - fecal matter. And Sam? Won't remember it. Probably....

Tired Tunia said...

I would just hope that I had enough brain matter intact to remember not to let the dog kiss me or the kids for at least a day or so! Otherwise, hey, no harm done! Dog has to help out around the house somehow, right?

Cap'n Ganch said...

I think it depends. Did Sam eat chocolate?

Lazy cow said...

Just wait till toilet training starts. Let's just say what your dog had was the appetizer...

Diner Girl said...

Everything's probably fine. You might want to sock away a few thousand dollars for therapy... just in case.

Doppelganger said...

Heeeey... you people are talking like this incident actually happened, and I already told you it's PURELY HYPOTHETICAL.

But if it did happen, from what you're saying it doesn't sound like Sam would end up living in our basement until he's 50, with the exception of his annual trip to a German fetish camp. So that's a relief. You know, in case it ever happens.

Wing, you despise me, and you're right to do so. I kind of despise myself. But I'm sure I'll feel better once the planets realign.

Em said...

Well, I'd say the hypothetical dog will be fine, and, being a germophobe who recently was so addicted to hand-sanitizer that it actually began to eat holes in my skin...I'd follow up with a baby wipe or a washcloth. Dipped in Lysol. Something.
Safe to say if it *did* happen to Sam (which it didn't,) the only way he'd remember it would be if he stumbled across the blog archives 20 years from now and read this entry. Even then, it's a hypothetical situation and he would know that in no way did it ever happen to him. (I recently realized, to my own horror and shame, nothing ever really gets deleted from the internet. Once it's out there--it's out there. No one knows what happens to it. I may very well never post anything ever again.)

Jessica said...

Mercury goes into retrograde next week, I think, and the effects can be felt up to a week in advance, so YES.

And, yes, I know that off the top of my head and I am not ashamed.

katiedid said...

Eh, the only thing that ever worried me was when our non-hypothetical twins used to use the non-hypothetical dog's chew toys as, uh, well... teething toys. The sight of a small child with a stinky dog bone in his mouth will provide enough parental guilt for a lifetime. Hypothethical poop-licking? Not so bad, really. I wouldn't worry about it. Hypothetically speaking, of course.

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