I'm in wait mode at work, so I thought I'd whip up a super-fun-bonus weekend post. No, no, no... thank me later.
I've been thinking about wisdom lately, and how one goes about accumulating it. I don't know if I've actually made any progress in this area, but the years have definitely given me a few bits of hard-won practical knowledge. And here, in no apparent order, they are:
1. Don't wear a white bra underneath white or light-coloured tops. Every lady (and some gentlemen) should invest in a couple of beige bras. Unless your skin isn't beige. Then I'm afraid you're on your own. I'm only qualified to give bra advice for beige people.
2. How a person is when they're ten is probably the best indicator of what they're like as an adult. So if you make a new acquaintance and you want to know what they're really like, just sneakily ask them what they were like as a kid. If they tell you they used to rat out their friends or blow up frogs with fireworks, watch out. If they tell you that they built awesome treehouses every summer and taught their cat to dance, get their number!
3. Forget expensive laundry pre-treatments. A splash of ordinary dish detergent on a fresh stain will get most stains out later in the wash. Also, a cup of plain white vinegar added to your wash will do wonders for getting stink out of your laundry.
4. You know that angry email you just composed? Sleep on it. Nine times out of ten, you'll change your mind about sending it in the morning.
5. Regular toothpaste will help bring that huge, painful, beneath-the-skin zit to a head. Important note: You'll need to apply the toothpaste to the zit, not eat it. Also: Don't forget you've done this and then go grocery shopping. Not that this has ever happened to me.
6. Saying whatever is on your mind all the time is neither "being true to yourself" nor is it "just being honest." It's "being an asshole."
7. Everyone should own a pair of rubber boots. You'd be amazed at how much more you can do.
8. When in doubt, keep your fool mouth shut.
9. You can make soup out of pretty much anything.
10. At some point, you have to get over your childhood crap. Or not. But then you have to suck up the fact that you're going to keep being unhappy.
11. Three things that, if you get right, allow you to slack on pretty much every other aspect of your grooming: haircut, watch, and shoes.
12. Be on time. People may say they're cool with it when you're always late, but they secretly resent you. As they should. Who do you think you are?
13. Organic food tastes better.
14. People hate unsolicited advice.