Friday, July 20, 2007

How to Build a Fake Book Collection

I just read this post over at Apartment Therapy and knew that I had to share it with you immediately:
Hello AT,

I am working with a client who has a new apartment, loads of beautiful bookshelves and no books. We'd really like to build a book collection relatively quickly. We'd like it to be based on his taste, but also be a great collection of classics and aesthetically as pleasing as the work that's gone into the rest of the apartment. Do you have any advice or know anyone or any place that can help??
The best part of this post is the comments... over 200 of them, each more outraged than the one before. Delicious. This is one of my favourites:
Why not collect all the Yellow Pages in all the lobbies in all the buildings in Manhattan...you know, the new Yellow Pages that sit, bulk-wrapped in the lobby until the super throws them away...then display them with the spines at the back of the bookcase. It would be a lovely shade of yellow, and it would fill the shelves. And it's FREE.

16 comments:

The Diving Belle said...

OK, it's official, I'm blase. . .

I saw this post and immediately thought, "Oh, Strand Books in NYC".

Didn't even bat an eye over a fake book collection.

*sigh* Next stop, Armageddon.

Maya said...

Just in case you haven't gotten one of these yet, I thought I'd share my new purchase with you - a personal library stamp! I went to iprint.com and custom-designed my own seal stamp. I'm forever exchanging books with family and friends and we forget who bought what book constantly (and there are just too many books to put stickers in every one). This nifty little thing is going to make it very clear which books are mine ;)

Rebecca said...

My initial thought was: If he doesn't have any books to begin with, how the hell are they going to find books to suit his "tastes"? I've spent too much time today arguing with library patrons about overdue fines and why you can't use anyone else's card to check out material, so I guess I'm still clinging to the hope that I'll find rational explainations for things like this.

My next thought was: why waste an apartment with "loads of beautiful bookshelves" on someone with no books? Isn't there a secret organization out there who will evict him so someone with a vast book collection can benefit from all those shelves?

Doppelganger said...

See, Rebecca, I got stalled at this line:

"We'd like it to be based on his taste, but also be a great collection of classics..."

Because his taste is actually for crap? But he also wants some classics to act as filler?

Tamara said...

It's so trainwrecky over there, I can't believe none of the staff have stepped in. My first guess is this is a second home - I mean, the dude is rich enough to assign a designer to do his book shopping, he must be rich enough to have two places.

Anonymous said...

I also thought Strand immediately, but only because I actually had to go there to take pictures of the books sold at strand so my boss could sell the "books by the foot" idea to her client. It was..... emabarassing.

Anonymous said...

fake books.
if you wanted you could go to the library, photoshop the scans of any book and print only the outer binding, a block of wood with glued on printed bindings is not exactly what i'm describing. i takes a little work to make it look like books.

why waste all that paper if they're never to be read?

Bybee said...

"why waste all that paper if they're never going to be read?"

He might have actually bookworms come over to visit. It would be bad for his image if his shelves were browsed and the books weren't real.

Books strictly for decoration. This is so hard to wrap my mind around.

Linda said...

I'm so conflicted, because on the one hand, having your decorator pick out a bunch of books for you is indeed the lamest, most nightmarish thing ever. On the other hand, some of the commenters at Apartment Therapy are coming off like insufferably pretentious wanks who I sense I would also detest.

Cap'n Ganch said...

Related note: Just get the Penguin collection. Classic books that look great. (Black still goes with anything, right?) Plus, there's the off-chance he may actually end up reading one (cable could be out) and not be able to stop.

Unrelated note: What would you think of doing a "Fun to Say: Harry Potter Edition?" Maybe it's too soon after the pirates one, but I was just mowing the lawn and got a name stuck in my head: "Minerva McGonagall." (Instead of songs, I get words stuck in my head.)

Cap'n Ganch said...

AAARRGGGHHHH!

I was just looking up "Minerva McGonagall" online for spell-checking purposes. Don't look up her entry on Wikipedia - it gives away major HP7 spoilers in the first few lines. And my copy hasn't arrived yet.

Shiri said...

first, fake books collection. The world is coming to and end.

second, dude, you need to change your 'feed item footer' thingy... it has been "just discovered" for a while now...

Doppelganger said...

Cap'n, NOOOO! That sucks! I hate that Wiki person for you! Let's corner them in the schoolyard after the bell rings.

Linda and Tamara, I know. I refrained from posting myself, for exactly that reason. though I'll confess I really, really wanted to write something like this:

I'm all for suggesting individual titles! I recommend the client start with a copy of The Great Gatsby. Jay Gatsby had an AWESOME collection of books he'd never read. Of course, you probably don't want your client ending up dead in a pool...

I also thought of a much simpler reply to the last part of the designer's question, where s/he says "Do you have any advice or know anyone or any place that can help??" Uhhhh... perhaps... a... book... store?

But like I said, I didn't post anything. Because sometimes I like to pretend with myself that I'm a bigger person than that.

Alice said...

Cap'n Ganch, if it makes you feel better, I've just finished book 7 and that spoiler isn't right. (If that's a spoiler, sorry!!)

landismom said...

Hah! I love your Gatsby comment. You should totally do that.

Anonymous said...

this is exactly how i feel when people buy thousands of dollars of copper cookware to decorate their kitchen. all that fine craftsmanship gone to waste, only to be taken down twice a year and polished.