Friday, November 16, 2007

Things My Cat Thinks but Doesn't Say*

I have so many unfinished chores it's not funny. But reading this post reminded me that -- despite the fact that I haven't yet reorganized my bookshelves, booked my flu shot, or sent in this year's cheque for Sam's RESP -- I managed to find the time a couple of weeks ago to do a mind-meld with Puck and glean these important thoughts:
"Great. Cat food. Again. You know bag ladies eat this stuff, right?"
"Night vision is awesome. Check out how I'm going to totally fuck with the dog."
"Don't blame me. If you'd just leave the front door open, we wouldn't keep having this problem."
"Am I the only person who's awake? I'd better go into the short one's room and meow loudly. That always gets everyone up."
"Can someone change the goddamn cat litter? When I want to go around smelling like shit, I'll come back in my next life as the dog."
"Whoa! Did you see that mouse? Don't tell anybody, but I'm totally friggin' scared of mouses."
*It probably important for you to know that Puck's inner voice sounds a lot like Strongbad.

9 comments:

feather said...

This would have made me giggle outloud, but I've got a Quentin Tarantino movie in the background and as soon as I started to giggle a blast of gunfire shot forth from the TV and startled me.

I love that your cat is named Puck! I would have named one of my cats Puck, to match with Ariel, but because she's female she ended up Pixie instead, and the name has stayed on my list of "good names for a future cat," right between Grendel and Falstaff.

Doppelganger said...

Thanks! Yeah, I've had him since he was a kitten, and the name still suits him sixteen years later, despite the fact that he's not even remotely Puck-ish.

Funny that you mention cat names. Rusty and I were just talking about how, if we ever get another standoffish tomcat, we're naming him Ahab.

Jeane said...

You have personified my cat exactly! Except that he isn't afraid of mice. A mouse brings out the beast in my soft kitty.

Average Jane said...

That last line about Strongbad cracked me up and made me read the whole post again in a Strongbad voice.

THE BLUEST BUTTERFLY said...

The last line really made me laugh. :-)

Margolicious said...

That might be the best punchline ever. 1) You always win when you include Strongbad. 2) You managed to get me to reread the whole thing and find it severely more funny on a whole different level. Kudos!

Doppelganger said...

Mission accomplished!

Bybee said...

who's Strongbad?

That's exactly what I thought cats were all thinking.

Doppelganger said...

Oh, Bybee, thank you for giving me the gift of introducing you to Strongbad. I've added a link within the post, but you can also see him here. My personal favourite is "Trogdor", but really, there are so many great ones to choose from.

Fans of Strongbad will appreciate what I mean when I say that when Rusty revealed his talent for doing a perfect Strongbad impression, I fell in love with him all over again.